|Posted - Aug 7 2018 : 12:14PM|
My erotic tv show idea story lacks what happens next (the plot). Iím open to all sorts of ideas from people and Iím excited to see if people here can think of something really good. Thanks! It is written in the first person..
I need advice. I have a very strange situation to handle.I don't know what to do? I am 53year old skinny short 5ft3 tall wrinkled face thin lips green eyes grayhaired soft butch single woman. People call me ugly alot of the times, and also make jokes about my looks. Ever since I was 14 people always call me names. I work at small accounting firm. Three months ago this new colleague started working there as a client manager. She is a 42year old 5ft10 tall heterosexual curvy hourgllass shaped attractive brunette. She has very large (huge) breasts and she does have a big butt. Most of her outfit are satin pant and skirt suits satin coats and satin and silk blouses. She is always on high heels and full make up on. She is curvy, tall and busty, so many clothes tend to look sexier on her than on a thin person. She wears almost always her satin and silk blouses fully buttoned to the top combined with a satin skirt or satin pants. She doesn't wear anything vulgar but because of her body type anything she wears looks tight on her. She is 5ft10 tall and and being well endowed well built and curvy always on high heels makes her HUGE! Standing next to me she looks like a giant. She is married for 18 years and she has a 16 year old daughter.
On her third dayat work she asked me I I would give her a massage because she had a sore back. This has now turned into a semi regular thing. I go over to her office and massage her shoulders and back while she is sitting in her office chair. Often i rub her back with my both hands while she is standing as i stand behind her. On her 5th day at work i said to her that i just canít resist touching and stroking satin fabric because It's just so soft and smooth to touch(that was just an excuse since she is always dressed in satin and silk clothes). She said that she doesn't mind me touching her clothes. So since then i am touching her alot on a daily basis. I giveher long prolonged tight full hugs around her waist from the front side or back. If sitting side-by-side at her desk working i am leaning against her. Also often i slap her ass as a way of saying hi. Sometimes i hug her from the back and my hands will subtly go to cup her breasts a little. I often hold hands with her, whether I'm with her outside on the parking lot talking and we're just standing there holding hands or whether we're walking. Linked fingers, sometimes. I always link arms with her and walk leaning into her. I don't know if she's just messing with me because she knows I like girls, if she genuinely likes me. After work the other day I saw her leave work with her husband and daughter and I nearly cried. It made me feel so alone going back to my empty apartment.
As you can see, I'm all over the place. Any thoughts/advice? I am her only friend at work. Other women colleagues (all female workplace) don't like her. She is considered by these women arrogant, upper middle class, over dressed snob. They are hostile and rude towards her. I am obsessed with her. I look forward to going to work almost only because of her ( i like my job too, but she makes my day). I love the way her perfume smells, the way she walks, the way she talks...everything. And she doesn't really mind me touching her. Is there a possibility that she likes me? I'm just really attracted to everything about her, but she's straight, and has a husband and a daughter. Should I tell her how I feel, or keep it to myself as to avoid making our friendship weird? I am very attracted to her. She says that she is 100% straight woman. What do I do? I hate that I feel this way. Maybe it's just strict body attraction? I just can't stop touching her. Often i place my hands on her breasts and move them in a circular motion while i am facing her. Also i always place my hand on her butt while i stand beside her. I constantly pat her lower back and touch her hair. I just can't help touching her. And I don't want to because she's very straight. As i said standing next to me she looks like a giant. But for me the, taller a woman the better. I feel immensely attracted even standing next to tall,curvy, feminine women. Has anyone dealt with this? What kind of negative things can realistically come out of this? I am describing myself and this woman my colleague only for women here to understand the complexity of the situation. This is bothering me because I just can't stop thinking about her sexually. I am going through hell at the moment. Now I'm worried that this makes me a creep. I feel guilty all the time and hate myself for getting aroused by touching and rubbing this woman my colleague. I don't know if this makes me a predator. I don't want to be a predator. I would never force myself on anyone. This touchable woman my colleague is the kind of person who refuses to work on her own for longer than a minute. Not only does she have dozens of questions and comments about EVERY SINGLE THING she is working on, but she will ask them one by one, interrupting me about once per minute. There are other issues, like the fact that she routinely (read: almost always) misses deadlines which pushes my and my coworker's deadlines out creating more work and stress for us. Oh and the shit she does produce is almost always wrong so we have to double check everything anyway. She has good intentions but is a little needy. Over the last three months she constantly asks me for help with issues here and there that quite honestly take much of my time. I find myself helping her in some manner on 1/2 of her work tasks which has been getting rather frustrating.
This touchable woman always asks me what I did over the weekend. She asks me "Did you go out?" Or what did I do, where did I go, etc. It would be rather embarrassing to say that I didn't do anything of note, but then again, avoiding these questions is becoming increasingly difficult. I think I'm ugly and you can tell me I'm beautiful but I won't believe it. And that's my problem. I'm so firm in my views and I don't know what to do. Since childhood I have suffered taunts about being ugly,short and masculine. I suffered the worst bullying in high school, It was torture. One of the things I've noticed over the years is that I'm always attracted to heterosexual tall curvy ultrafeminine women that I know are unavailable.
It's been a pattern since I was a teenager. There was this girl I was in lust (thought it was love then) with all through high school and I basically idolized her. The problem was I barely even spoke to her because I was so nervous around her. As a result I never really tried to date anybody else because I thought she was the one I was supposed to be with. This woman my touchable colleague is physically stronger than me. I am just a skinny, short, tiny, 53year old woman. She is always on high heels i am always in flat shoes. As i said standing next to me she looks like a giant. And I feel so guilty. I am aroused by rubbing her. I hate that i have grown accustomed to it. What is wrong with me? I often stroke,jiggle and squeeze her breasts and slap and rub her ass , in a joking/playful way. She is okay with that. Am i taking advantage of her? I am so confused with myself and i don't know what to do.
I've posted it on here in the hope someone can understand me instead of just judging me. My other issue with this touchable woman colleague is the fact that she is SO codependent and needy. She is SO incredibly sensitive but of course pretends she is not. Expecting me to talk to her at work as much as she does with me. She makes passive aggressive comments when I don't talk to her as much. I am not her boss and there was at least some communication between us that touch was okay. She said she is okay with touch, allows it, hasn't expressed dislike, she isn't avoiding me. There seems to be some understanding that we are both fine with how things are. Some people are okay with or simply like affection.
I'm honestly more concerned that she may be taking advantage of me. Maybe it's not malicious, just how she deals with relationships. She might be giving favors to get favors. Some people are like this. It seems as though she targeted me from the very beginning. On her third day at work she asked me If I would give her a massage because she had a sore back. She asked me around 2 other women co-workers. When she walks in the hallway i put my arm around her waist as i walk beside her. Also she often hold hands with me when we are leaving work walking to our cars.Some of other women coworkers notice our behavior and they have a confuse look on their faces. There is no HR at work. My boss is a very successful local business woman. She has built her company from scratch. My boss is a 51 year old woman who has been divorced twice. My boss has a policy of hiring only women over 40. Other 14 employees are women in their 40s and 50s. They are rude and hostile to this woman touchable colleague. They're all mean to her and leave her out. Most of these women my co-workers seem to think she is a stuck up overdressed snob. When she smiles at them , some simply stare back . Others just stare at her like she is an alien. And so most of these women my coworkers stay away from her. It's gotten to the point where even if she tries to talk to them, they usually blow her off and walk away.
When this woman my touchable colleague speaks with other women our coworkers, she tends to be overly nice and I guess that comes off as fake which definitely doesn't help the situation. She is radiant and touchable to me. I place my hands on her at any occasion. I gravitate toward her like fruit fly on a banana. I am too sexually attracted to her. I just can't help myself because this is the way that I am, this is how my body react to her. Please donít be grossed out. I feel so guilty but i just can't stop touching this woman my colleague. I know this sounds strange and maybe even a bit sick to some. I am ugly. I can't stand looking at myself in the mirror. Sometimes I will take long drives and just think about how sad my life is, how lonely I have become, the things I regret, and what I could have done differently. I do this a few times a week, drive and cry. It makes me feel better momentarily.
I haven't been happy in years, I don't see any signs of it getting any better. I see most people getting excited for the weekend, but for me, I get depressed. I have no girlfriend. I have no one. I have friends, and I have had girlfriends and a long term (12 years) relationship, but only because people tend to like me when they get to know me. I've never received compliments on my looks. It's like my whole life is a struggle because of this. I never feel great or like a winner. I keep no pictures of myself. Sometimes I'll take some with my laptop's webcam or my cellphone, and when I look at them it's really painful. I've taken pictures from every angle and every single one of them looks terrible.
And the problem is that I can't stand to be in any type of relationship anymore because of that. I'm 53 now and the last time I went on a date was 2 years ago. Some lesbian women I've known for a while seem attracted to me, flirt or invite me to activities, but I remember how they looked at me the first time they saw me, and it just kills it for me. Maybe I'm vain and shallow. I just can't get over it. My other problem is that since i was a teenager I am more sexually attracted to heterosexual ultrafeminine tall curvy attractive women. They turn me on. All the women I gotten far with were not my physical type. I just did what a lot of other dykes seem to do and adjust to what the market has to offer. But for the past three months I've been obsessing over this woman my colleague. I developed really strong sexual feelings for her. There is no HR department(it is a small firm) but my boss covers HR issues at work. Iím wondering if I really am just a creepy pervert. Itís making me so anxious and I just really need some nonjudgmental advice. Iím really panicking about this. I'm severely attracted to this touchable woman my colleague and i can't keep my hands off her. I'm worried that I'm taking advantage of this woman. I didn't think much of it at first. She is objectively very attractive, much hotter than any woman I've ever slept with. She says that she is strictly hetero and that just thinking about possibly kissing a female makes her cringe. She is extremely fashionable, elegant, glamorous, and classy She's hard to avoid since her office is next to mine. I always hug her in full frontal hug pressing my face on her breasts. Since my face is exactly the level of her breasts and she is rather large i find resting my head on them comforting. She is okay with that. She even said that her breasts are a readily-available source of comfort for me.
I am tiny short skinny 53year old masculine woman.I am not tough and strong. I am not intimidating.I am physically completely harmless. I can be confidant in some situations and very very shy and nervous in other situations. When I feel like I have some authority or control over my responsibilities I can be very confidant, but when Iím outside of the workplace I lose my confidance. This happens especially when I interact with women I like. This woman my touchable colleague asks me how to do the same thing several times per day. It doesnít mean she is lazy just that sheís incapable, perhaps due to lack of experience or capacity, of performing to an adequate level.She is constantly asking me the most basic of basic questions. I feel Like I am her helpdesk at times.
I am in this situation now; what do I do? She is very desirable which is why I am obsessing.Moreover, in the past I have scared women away for acting weird (nothing major or too weird) but enough where they werenít interested in me. I am just not good at talking to women; I get tongue tied and am not confident. What do you think? have you ever felt the same way? Am I creepy? (yeah I guess so)I am basically looking if someone could help me to cope with this situationÖ I just donít know what to do.
Please try not to judge me too much as this smartbuydisc.ru is supposed to be accepting and non-judgemental.I donít know what it is, but ever since around high school heterosexual attractive tall curvy feminine females have been very uncomfortable around me.Does anyone relate to this or understand why straight women would get scared or creeped out or repulsed by someone so fast if theyíre not really a rapist? Can it really be facial features alone (really ugly wrinkled face)? What kind of outward behaviour will make them creeped out or repulsed?I am short and skinny.itís not like I randomly walk up to them and start touching their breasts or something. I at least know that that would be totally inappropriate.
I am so sexually attracted to this woman my touchable colleague. Itís more physical than actually mental.She is an absolute ideal ten for me physically. Every time i see her walking around with those big massive breasts & butt cheeks swaying all over the place i lose control.She is so tall and big and soft.I just want to have sex with her I know itís wrong. And why is she allowing me to touch her and grope her? When my hands are on her she is just standing or sitting there laughing or not saying a word making stupid faces. I feel so much guilt over this but i am pretty certain i would never come close to actually harming this woman my touchable colleague. I hate myself for taking pleasure in touching,rubbing and groping her at work, but i find it hard to stop myself. I should note that I know that this is all a set up for failure. My mind hasn't been able to think straight in months. This woman my touchable colleague flirts with many of our male clients. She says that it is part of her job as a client manager (making clients feel better about themselves). She gets hit on a lot by guys, which makes women she is around jealous for some reason. She has an overwhelming amount of attention from men. Gosh how I want her! What do I do? At home i day dream about having sex with her all the time. Often when my hands are on her i get groinal responses. I know you can't help feelings of arousal, but what bothers me is i worry about letting myself enjoy them. So i feel like since i get my feelings of arousal from the groinal responses then i'm abusing this woman my touchable colleague. Is this normal or am i horrible?? I think i'm a monster.
What do you think I should do about it? This is really hard for me. I feel this overwhelming urge to touch and grope this touchable woman my colleague and it is for sexual gratification. She says that she is 100% straight and that even the thought of eating out a vagina makes her gag. Is she taking advantage of me? Whenever she needs help at work, I almost always make time for her no matter what. She is like a child, needing constant approval about anything she does. There's always guys flirting or asking her for her number. When she goes out in public guys start talking to her and subtly try to ask her out. She mentions that she has a husband but some of them wont go away. I do get away with groping this woman my touchable colleague all the time, simply because she lets me. I can just walk up to her and feel her breasts or grab her butt when ever i feel like it!! I routinely slap or rub her butt. I love to squeeze or jiggle her massive breasts(when no one is around). They are so soft and squishy. I love her height and her curvy stature. Standing next to me she looks like a giant. She dresses in mainly form fitting satin and silk fashionable clothing. She is always on high heels and full make up on.
This has been going on for over three months now. The most distressing is the fear that I am or will become a sexual predator. I spend lots of time every day ruminating over why I cannot be a pervert sexual predator, and why I could be. At times I'm convinced I'm a monster. I guess the point of writing this is to see if anyone can relate and set me at ease -- even for a little while! i am 53year old and it feels too late. Is it too late for me? I think i'm really ugly. I think i am just exceptionally unattractive or have some sort of defect in my demeanor and there's nothing i can do about it. Do you really think that this woman my touchable colleague is also acting out due to her own insecurities? I do have "power" over her. I can muck things up for her with our clients. Also i am well liked and respected by other women my colleagues. Being well-liked at work means there's more people on your side.This woman my touchable colleague is considered by most of these women our coworkers stuck up,overdressed snob. But she never wears anything trashy. She dresses in mainly form fitting satin and silk fashionable clothing. She has a more stylish sense of fashion but she keeps herself well covered. She is not particularly fond of wearing revealing clothes. She prefers to wear covered, yet form fitting fashionable clothes. What's happening to me?
I don't understand it. I feel the overwhelming sensation of guilt all the time. I am sick of this. Im confused and my mind doesnt stop. I really worry that Im going to lose myself completely! I don't want to waste anyones time but I had to get some of this out of my head. What is wrong with me? I am taking advantage of her and i am afraid that i will just go even further. I haven't pushed her into having sex so far. It's just the obsessive touching her and groping her. And she is 100% straight. She would never want to kiss a woman. She is very sexually attracted to men. She is completely the opposite to a homophobe... but she is literally 100% straight. I am important to her as a colleague,so she is willing to sit/stand out the groping,rubbing and hugging. She can't even say no or push me away. Most of other women at work probably think that we (me and this woman my touchable colleague) have a weird bond like that. The thought that I could be a sexual predator makes me crazy.
I keep asking why me. Why I have to be such a pervert? I feel so dirty and guilty. I just hate myself. Now I'm convinced I'm a perv and a sexual freak. Why am I like this? Why? I am definitely post menopasual. I lost all drive when I was 49 and menopause was beginning four years ago. Had all the usual symtpoms: hot flashes, memory issues, moods, dry as a bone, no libido, periods becoming sporatic. My sex drive over the last two years has been on a steady rise. But now, all I can do is think about getting laid. I have this urge which grabs me without any notice or outside stimulation. I am thinking about sex with this woman my touchable colleague all the time. Though alone, I still have lots of very satisfying sex -- just not with partners. I have to keep telling myself I'm not hurting anyone and aside from the fact that it's a bit of a time waster -- it's not hurting me either. There are worse things I could be doing with my time.
With this woman my touchable colleague is about lust, not love. It is pure physical attraction, not emotional. I am touching her, rubbing her and groping her at work for my sexual pleasure. I feel like I am abusing this woman by using her in this way. Still I feel like a monster for something that I can't stop doing. ( I can't keep my hands off of her). I donít know what to do. It is all my fault. Iíve worked there since December 2013. I donít know what to do? I donít know what to do anymore? I donít know how to handle the situation. I really need this job. I really need this salary. I feel like such a bad person. It's driving me crazy.It's consuming me. I can't resist touching,rubbing and groping this woman my touchable colleague. But she is unresponsive to my touch. Usually when my hands are all over her she just kinda... let me do the groping, touching,rubbing and hugging , but she basically just sit/stand pretty stiffly. She disappears into her head and goes limp or rigid. She is 100% straight and has always been attracted to men. Why did she asked me to massage her back on her third day at work? Why? I need to keep my job and the money, that means i need to stop groping her. I'm a terrible person. It makes me paranoid as i feel like everyone at work talks about me behind my back. Has anyone else been through anything similar? I am a horrible person. Am i evil, manipulative, selfish person? I have these thoughts all the time. Am I an irredeemable monster for what i am doing to this woman? I'm a fool who can't control myself. I'm just so upset with myself. I have the greatest trouble thinking rationally when i am around this woman my touchable colleague. I do feel more hopeful. I think finally admitting how huge my problem grew is the biggest step. I am a horrible person.
I want to stop this. I want to distance myself from this woman my touchable colleague but i just can't.She is so radiant and tall and big and soft.She could use this against me if she ever decided to throw me under the bus. I didn't touch her today at work.I know that I shouldn't do it but it was difficult to resist the urge to touch her.It's getting out of control.
I don't know what to do.I am worried about losing my job. I have quite a big problem.I need to get my things in order. I feel like smashing my head against a wall sometimes I just can't stop thinking.
Not sure what I can really do? I just hate myself. My concern is that I am a bad person and a sexual predator for touching,rubbing and groping this woman. And my selfishness leaves me disgusted with myself. I despise what I'm becoming.
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